positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
