i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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