You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
