haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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