does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
im drinking this country out of the recession.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
