you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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