Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
