So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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