I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
