oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
