So drunk its hurt
420 ftw
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
