I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
