I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
