the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
