I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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