You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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