As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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