Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
