hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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