I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Shame - the story of my life.
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