and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
