I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
