I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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