the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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