I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
