I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
