Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
