I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
