Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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