my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
