I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
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Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
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You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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