Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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