Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
