..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
where does the pee come out of this thing
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
