omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
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Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
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AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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