he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Well I just put wine in my tea
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
