My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
