Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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