what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
