That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
This is my gift to your gina
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
