Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
