so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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