his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
