Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She's like a pop up book from hell.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
