just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
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He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
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I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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