totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
