I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
