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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
