Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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