You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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