OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I can't turn off my feet"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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