i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
