Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
