People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
