i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
