: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
