Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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