Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.

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(419): View more from Ohio

having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...

Fav 7 3037 1209
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(914): View more from New York

Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?

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(651): View more from Minnesota

This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.

(507): View more from Minnesota

Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.

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(785): View more from Kansas

I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous

Fav 14 1397 891
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(716): View more from New York

and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt

Fav 12 933 1602
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(970): View more from Colorado

Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass

Fav 0 415 133
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(908): View more from New Jersey

I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.

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