He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
