Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Barsexuality is the new black.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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