Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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