After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize