My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
