we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
