smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
operation harelip BJ is a go
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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