come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
