Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
