I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
