Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
