Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
How does one acquire holy water?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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