you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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