all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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