in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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