Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
