dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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