Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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