Are we in a gay sports bar?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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