I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
