I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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