i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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