remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
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I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
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according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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