Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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