I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
