i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
