I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
