but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
