She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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