I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
